Going through a break up is never easy. It comes with its own unique set of emotions. Let’s assume, because you’re reading this, that you have recently gone through a break up and may be considering making up. But before you jump in head first, there are a few questions you should get answered first:
Have you really changed? It doesn’t matter why the break up happened, you were at fault to some extent. There were things you could have done differently; better. If you try to get back together without anything changing, then you are going to eventually end up where you were before…split up. As much as you may wish to change your ex, you can’t. You can only change yourself. However, you can’t fake this in the hopes of fooling your ex into wanting you back. So you not only need to ask if you have changed, but also how you have changed.
Have they really changed? True, you cannot change them, but at the same time they should have made some changes before you’ll seriously consider getting back with them. Assuming they haven’t changed, will you really be able to handle it? Are you sure? The problem here is that your judgment can be foggy after a break up, making you view the past as better than it was. You have to be able to stand back and ask if you are able to accept your ex as they are now.
Is it worth the hassle? Don’t kid yourself, if you want to get back with your ex, it’s going to take some work. Maybe some hard work. It’s okay if you don’t want to put in the work it takes, but that also means you’ll be moving on to another relationship. It makes more sense to be honest about your commitment now, than it is to invest needless energy in a fruitless endeavor.
Where did it go wrong? Don’t be too quick to answer this question, lest you get a misleading answer. Take the time to analyze what caused the break up. you will also need to uncover any underlying issues. Understanding where things went wrong is the first step to getting on the road to making up successfully.
Who’s the boss? You? Your ex? Gotcha! That’s a trick question. A good relationship takes two people. A fantastic relationship is greater than the sum of its parts. Be willing to communicate, to share, and do what it takes for the sake of the relationship.
You may not know the answers to all of these questions, or you may not be able to answer them completely. It doesn’t matter. What counts is that you try answering them honestly.